Archive for the 'essay series' Category

Man with Scatalogical Metaphors Up the Ass Hates Animals and Robots

As [we] re-enter the groove on Glass Rock Life, we must define our terms. To some people, bad means good, and to some people good means “I am lying to you so as not to hurt your feelings.” Glass Rock Life caught up with Glass Rock/Tall Firs guitarist Dave Mies to discuss music, and what it is [it is what it is -ed]. Dave owns one of the most vocal left hands in rock, while his right hand is damn busy too! Let’s listen here, as this time ’round, he makes the music with his mouth, BIZ!

1) Does music symbolize anything? Or is it organized sound unto itself?

I think I gotta define the term “music” before I try and answer this one.
Music is the intentional act of making noise for the sake of being heard by an audience, even if it’s an audience of one and even if that audience is comprised only of the musician (so long as that musician is human). Unintentional noises, trees falling in the forest with no one to hear them etc., are as meaningless as a smile on a dog. Only people give things “meaning,” so only people make meaningful (and by that I mean intentional) noise or “music”. A bunch of fucking wolves or squirrels or whatever do not constitute an audience for falling timber or anything else.
Intentionality is critical in terms of what I would call music. Just being human and making a racket isn’t enough. The shit I took this morning made a hella’ splash when it hit the bowl, but that was just a side effect of my need to eliminate [curry -ed]. I didn’t ‘give a shit’ what noise it made when it landed. Now if I’d swiveled my hips just so to achieve some acoustic outcome or amplified the sound or even just recorded it for later, that would count as music, but as it stands, it was a “meaningless” dump and thus, unmusical.
I don’t mean to say that spontaneous or even mundane or unintentional noises can’t be utilized in music, but someone has to ‘give a shit.’ Some human has to imbue it with some kind of meaning for it to become “music to my ears” as they say. Ha! Get it!
Anyway, it would seem to me that all music is symbolic and it is we who make it so. We take it out of the realm of happenstance and deem it “art” (if you even wanna’ go there… I don’t).
What I mean is this: once the noise becomes a thing outside of its simple existence in nature (its pitch and amplitude only), and becomes an object of aesthetic concern, it’s association with its human presenter (or musician) and their audience give it symbolic meaning. It becomes a symbol of the presenter’s deliberate and unintentional aims and the audiences conscious or unconscious responses. We give it a time period (since history only exists through the prism of human experience) and thus it gains the ability to be viewed as timeless or rapidly become dated, etc. etc. etc.. It becomes loaded with all the connotations that come with being inexorably linked to people and their changing times and it’s my opinion that this is the only place anything or anybody gets meaning from anyway.
-Slow Mitten

Happy Valentine’s Day From Glass Rock’s Dave

We had to wait till the midnight hour but Glass Rock guitarist Dave Mies delivered a Valentine’s Day treat into the collective inbox of webmanity at 11:59 pm to bless this otherwise worthless Valentine’s Day indeed. As requested, Slowhand followed around a character in Guns N Roses romantic 1992 November Rain video, an apt V.D. song for the romantics who will always believe in love, and a no-brainer to assign Dave, one of the foremost cultural critics of Ancient American musical documents. It’s recommend that you please watch the video after completing the article. Dave?

***November Rain and the short film that accompany it, take nine minutes and twelve seconds to conclude. The loose plot line centers around a stringy hared hillbilly’s marriage to a super hot if not a little vampish girl who dies of no apparent cause. Their short life together is plagued by brief, intense bursts of rain and gale force winds which fuck up not only their wedding reception (causing a deranged asshead to take a headlong dive into what looks like a very pricey cake [6:57 -ed]), but also the unlucky girl’s funeral.

The most gripping character in the saga however, is not the young couple it centers around, but instead their strange and ever present life coach/ spiritual adviser or shaman if you will. He is a leather clad warrior with a strange headdress not unlike a veil of thick wool woven into tangled ropes which mask his face. This medicine man/ mystic is at the couples side always. In good times, he is cherubic and jolly, perpetually imbibing vapors from his ceremonial spliff (the only evidence of life from behind the twisted mask of fibers shrouding his mysterious face). In times of strife, he fiercely petitions the gods on behalf of the lovers, through a sexually charged ritual of riffage. Back bent, legs spread, he wields his thick phallus whilst grinding his pelvis toward the heavens. It is as if he were fucking the whole of the cosmos, a virile display of his capable and potentially earth rending magic. When his efforts fail to save the girl, he goes into a trance like state. His ritual gyrations seem redoubled and now more menacing than ever. It seems that he has actually passed on to the spirit plane where he is now wreaking havoc on the flesh of the immortals, lancing their soft receptacles with every stroke of his ax, tearing down their dominion over not only the doomed couple, but all of us, with his magical, meaty, pulsating tool. In an otherwise lackluster story of simple people and bad weather, this character is a stand out. His unwavering faith in love and intense carnality save what might otherwise be a pretty unmemorable day.

Thanks, Dave!

Kathy from Glass Rock Celebrates Award

After winning the Glass Rock Essay Contest, singer Kathy Leisen immediately took the $3,000 travel voucher she received from Ecstatic Peace! and went somewhere. She also won a copy of Glass Rock’s new LP!

Contest winner Kathy (center) "Won't Take It Back"

Unfortunately we can’t disclose her whereabouts but she assures us she is fucking profusely. Way to go Kathy!!

Kathy from Glass Rock Wins Essay Contest

Kathy from Glass Rock shut down the Glass Rock Essay Contest only to have more time to work on her essay, which has now won the Award, destroying Matt and Aaron‘s entries but let’s face it not besting Dave’s rodeo interview. Says Kathy, “I’m so busy with other projects that I even forgot I entered this contest.” Enjoy her award winning essay below.

“A day in the Life of” by Glass Rocker Kathy

When we were on our UK tour, I was often mistaken for Lady Gaga because of my extremely sexy outfits, blonde hair & devil-may-care attitude on stage.  This is understandable, and I tried to take advantage of it by asking for discounts on our gas station sandwiches. Recently, however, in my hometown of Detroit, I suffered another case of mistaken identity.  When a man approaches you in a vehicle and says “Would you like to make some money?”, there is a 99% percent chance that you don’t want to do whatever it is that’s going to make you the money.  With these odds in mind, I said no.

I kept on walkin to my bank cuz it’s Friday and I got my paycheck and guess what I’m going to the sauna later.  This motherfucker however, thought that I said “I’m a prostitute and just need a little encouragement” when I said “No.”  So, he pulled up next to me a second time and showed me his nasty January cock pumping through his left hand.  “Please touch it just a little bit!”, he said.  So I said, “You dirty motherfucker, get the fuck away from me before I call the cops, you son of a bitch motherfucker.” And I said it like I meant it. He put it in reverse and got out of there, leaving me to rant and rave in the streets like so many other of my Detroit brethren. 

With no time to ruminate the why’s and how’s (Was it my pants?), I headed off to my next errand, picking up my cat Gerome from the vet.  I take Gerome to the vet in a cardboard box from Staples because he won’t go (or seemingly fit) in a regular cat carrier.  With Gerome in hand(s), I walked home, along the way meeting a delightful child who wanted to know if Staples was giving out free cats.  I said I don’t know about that but this one’s mine. 

Finally(!), I was able to get back to work.  With Gerome back in his window seat and a cool crisp twenty warming up my back pocket, I opened up my web browser and continued scouring Craigslist for juicy personals (missed connections in particular) cuz I’m supposed to be writing demos for Glass Rock II and I’m running out of emotional material………Glass Rocker Kathy

[p.s. hello to MTJR] [painting by Kathy]

Kathy has shut down the Glass Rock essay series. We are reconstructing the site and hope to return soon. Please check back.

She says too that Tall Firs are playing live at Glasslands, BK on March 6th and they are up to secret projects.

No further comment has followed.

Glass Rock Life BC

Speaking of Seattle, the city once hosted the Seattle Pilots, a time chronicled in Ball Four by Jim Bouton. Aaron from Glass Rock wrote an award-winning essay (that might get mentioned in the State of the Union address, hint to tune in tonight) on this B.C. slice of American literature.

Why I love ‘Ball Four’ by Jim Bouton
by Aaron Mullan

Some people think of this as a book about baseball, or about heros being cut down to human size, and those things are incidental to the book but I would suggest any Roger Angell collection for the former and maybe John Barth’s Chimera for the latter if that’s your bag. This book is a real-life story about an earnest, intelligent guy caught in a world where his alleged peers turn out to be likeable, clever, or interesting, but rarely all three.  A masterpiece of observational humor set in 1969 and written from the viewpoint of a malcontent within the crew-cut mainstream who sympathizes with the Hippies but seemingly has no desire to enter their Universe. If you liked the animated version of Doc Ellis’s LSD no-hitter you will love this book.

 

In related news, Matt from Glass Rock discovered this morning that Detroit, MI gave us Killer by Alice Cooper and Funkadelic by Funkadelic in the same year 1971. Matt had already been working on an essay on the Alice Cooper Group’s “Dead Babies.”

Why “Dead Babies” by Alice Cooper Group Fascinates Me
by Matthew Kantor

Extremely extreme for the time and even now; this song delivers on its title, indeed about dead babies, and features the resignations “We didn’t love you anyway” and “We didn’t want you anyway.” The original Alice Cooper Group played tightly in real freak-out fashion, psychedelic mixed with garage and cabaret and the band as a band remain underrated. As the song unfolds, Alice at first seems like the bad guy but then the narrative turns evil-er as it appears the parents have killed their child. A song needed to be written about this? This is recommended for anyone who likes songs that make you feel terrible for breakfast as well as those fascinated with the motivation behind Ghostface Killah’s “Maxine” and those who can hear Jesse Helms saying “It’s outrageous filth.”

Also, Glass Rock begins our Valentines Day fire sale on pull out quotes; soon to follow and you can pay us when you see us.