Glass Rock Life’s Final Trip
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Neo-Nazis Fail to Consult Statistics, Succeed in Taking Rectal Temperature
Neo-Nazis’ New Yorker Subscriptions Run Out
Long Distance Guitar Lesson for Tubes (non-related to politics, drugs, or emotions)
Archive for the 'unruly mob' Category
Bass player looking for non-douchy band
Date: 2010-05-16, 11:39PM EDT
Reply to: comm-ncdpw-1744534833@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
I play bass, I’m decent and I’m looking to join a band and have fun. I’ve played in bands, toured, recorded, yadda yadda yadda…and I miss it. Interested in rock, pop, metal, shoegazer, power pop, thrash, whatever…I’m versatile and listen to everything. I can also do some back up vocals.
Like the title says, not looking for douchy bands. I have a real job and I am looking for a once-a-week practice, 1-2 show a month type of band. Down to earth people, no cover bands, no “pro” bands, no “we are taking it to the next level and expanding the horizons of the musical universe” type crap.
Other stuff: late 20s, dude, awesome gear. RIP Ronnie James Dio…riding the tiger into eternity \m/
Glass Rock Podium
Under the guidance of Bretharian Dr. David Jubb and with the encouragement of gala-event rocker pal Steve Tyler, Glass Rock’s Aaron Mullan has embarked on a series of dates to warn high school children about the perils of drug and alcohol abuse. At North Farmington High School in Farmington Hills, MI on Tuesday, the principal calmed a horny generation with no standards of decency as well as poor research methods by shouting into the microphone, “Mr. Mullan will not sign records until he has warned us about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. So be quiet. And no, Michael Rother is not here today.” The gymnasium floorboards creaked in eerie silence as Aaron dropped major science, discussing concepts such as decreased reaction time to external stimuli when using mind altering drugs, which he had to allow students a few extra minutes to comprehend. Then with a nod from Dr. Jubb, Aaron opened up the floor to Q & A. Here are some highlights -
Student1: I am a huge fan of Glass Rock. But my parents think I’m using drugs.
Aaron: Yeah I think you’re on the paranoia trip there, bro. That’s the downside of the doob. That’s why I stick to the hooch. With the cheeb you act like a weirdo but are convinced everyone thinks you’re an asshole. With the corn you act like an asshole but don’t realize it until the next day. Guilt is more my kind of vibe than paranoia. Personally, I don’t try to keep my mind sharp. I just try to not use it for mundane crap, like which drawer my socks are in or who I’m supposed to call or how to play guitar. Instead I’m into reading Herodotus cracking up at stuff like how the Egyptians are exactly the reverse of everyone else on the planet: Men carry burdens on their heads, women on their shoulders. Women pass water standing, men sitting. They ease their bowels indoors, and eat out of doors in the streets, explaining that things unseemly but necessary should be done alone in private, things not unseemly should be done openly.
Paranoia is not Aaron's Bag
Student2: I ate in the parking lot at lunch.
Aaron: There’s only one cause for depression, and only one cure, and they are the same. The “destroyer of delights, the separator of societies, he who makes orphans of sons and daughters.” Put that in your bong and rip it.
Following this question, handler Dr. Jubb shut down the assembly and magically signed over 3900 Glass Rock LPs on Aaron’s behalf with a flick of the wrist and made the prinicpal levitate. The assistant principal lovingly caught him before he fell to the gymnasium’s make shift stage. Interested in having a Glass Rock Role Model speak at your town’s high school? Please contact us at glassrocklife@gmail.com and check back for the rest of Aaron’s tour dates. Thank you!
As GnR fans kill time while waiting for Glass Rock II: Heating Up the Commercial Climate, there are suggestions that some afficionados are going too far.
To [fan name withheld], the follow statement has been issued by Matt Kantor, Bass - “I am deeply honored by you putting my visage on your skin for the rest of your life. But what if I fuck up, let you down, no longer have the look of an uncharacteristically serious, lean and mean labrador retriever? Ironically it’s that very pressure to not fuck up that will lead me to letting you down. I am weak. Here’s to sloth and jazz fusion.” -Matt
Despite what seems like a clear official statement, rumors circulate that Matt tattooed himself on himself to inspire himself to be the best self he could possibly be. When probed with questions about the rumor, he retorted, “Oh rest assured that tattoo would be in the palm of my hand so I could love myself even more than I already do. What I am saying is that I could give myself a virtual lip-____ing of myself whenever I wanted while simultaneously receiving a virtual lip-____ing of myself whenever I wanted. I have to go now.”
When will new Glass Rock music arrive? Madness must end. But until Kathy Leisen is replaced, it’s not going to happen. Keep sending resumes and coat tail sizes to glassrocklife@gmail.com.
[Unidentified Glass Rock Member] was checked into a lower Manhattan hospital this morning for hypothermia. He spit out a fish, some partially chewed leather workboots, and the comment, “Please, no more recovery groups with former heroin users who now tuck their shirts in.” Glass Rock’s now classic Tall Firs Meet Soft Location is rotating at his bedside around the clock with Hawkman there to flip it. Said one Glass Rock fan outside, “Good luck [Aquaman]. No one can ever play [unidentified instrument] in Glass Rock like you can. Not even Aaron, Dave, Kathy, or Rynnn.” More as the story develops from New York.
Ironic that someone else wanted to Start The Weekend in Style but with Glass Rock. Now that the satyrs have left, it has indeed gotten mellow round these parts. Enjoy.
Well this is the furthest Glass Rock has ever traveled West…in the form of an mp3 file sitting on a server somewhere in California. Thanks for the Left Coast Hug, Arthur Magazine. I still keep the Sparks issue as a reference guide.
Casey Kasem cannot hold it together after learning that Glass Rock has plummeted from four to twenty-five on the venerable NYU charts.
Seriously, [we] love the spins all the way and cannot help the reaction of our fans. Fans, please keep it up at your day jobs. Fucking doesn’t pay the bills, God we know.
